MOVING TO TEXAS?
Are you moving to Texas? A lot of people are. We have jobs down here. Don’t worry. You’ll be welcome. Texans are a friendly bunch. They can’t help it. It’s programed in their genes.
You’ll be looking for a house, right? A couple things to think about here. Never buy a house next door to a neighbor with kudzu. It was a gift from Japan that has gotten completely out of hand. You’ll never be able to go on another vacation not even for a long weekend away from home. That vine will creep over to your garden and suffocate everything in sight. I don’t even let my dog out in the mornings until I see a safe spot for him to do his business.
We pride ourselves on doing everything the easy way. You can buy bait at the same store you get your hair cut and the oil changed on your car, but you don’t want to buy lunch there. Speaking of food, do not. I repeat, do not buy anything to eat from a vending machine. It gets hot fast down here, and a tuna salad sandwich can go bad in an hour. Real bad.
Leaving the Rust Belt for the Bible Belt can be a jolt. First thing you’ll notice is everyone asks you where you go to church, not if you go, but where you go. They’re just being friendly and want you to feel at home. If you don’t claim some strong religious affiliation, beware! You’ll be converted and singing in the choir by next Sunday.
You probably know this already, but I’ll go ahead and mention it anyway. Don’t be making fun of our good ‘ol boys. You might hear us doing just that, but that’s our right, not yours. Besides, that cowboy in the jeans with a snuff can in his back pocket may own a ranch the size of Massachusetts.
Don’t worry if you can’t understand us when we talk. We can’t understand you either.
You’ll get the hang of it, right fast. I did. No, I wasn’t born here, but I got here as fast as I could.
All y’all come on down. You’ll be right welcome!
I’m just sayin’…